knit*therapy

on knitting and healing and other stuff

Time Off for Good Behavior

Posted by Janis on February 28, 2007

kionfloor.jpgMeet Kiowa, special guest blog dog for this week. Ki is an exotic mix of — what? — maybe some shepherd, some husky, some wolf? We’re not sure, but we love him. He belongs to one of my oldest friends, Jen.

Jen and I were having coffee the other day, bemoaning the havoc that winter has wreaked on our over-40 faces and skin. Jen came up with a great idea, one that will surely take off if we can just get everyone behind it. Here it is: As you go through life, you only get lines and wrinkles and dark spots and flakies if you’re a rotten person. If you are a virtuous person, good to others and yourself, follow the Golden Rule and the Boy Scout motto — you age gracefully and stay timelessly lovely forever. As it stands now, the rich stay lovely because they can afford to have the work done. In the future, good souls will stay lovely and money won’t be able to buy you doodah.

What’s really appealing is that everyone has the raw materials to compete, it’s a level playing field. (Well, sociopaths might have a rough go of it.) The rules are simple and we learn them as children. We can take responsibility from the get-go. And before anyone is offended that I am being ageist, let me say this: On a good day, I feel I’ve earned every line and wrinkle and don’t mind the silver strands and extra pounds. (OK, OK, so I never don’t mind the extra pounds, but that’s all my bad.) On a not-so-good day, I can feel pretty invisible in the youth culture at large. It’s a macro-level thing: when I’m teaching college or middle school students, I’m engaged with inviduals and it’s all good. Out in the world is where it gets dodgy. I wouldn’t walk into a record store if you paid me. I can walk through any store in the mall except the Williams-Sonoma without being asked if I need help. There’s a certain freedom to it, really.

But I’d still go with Jen’s plan any day. As long as it would start immediately and not retroactively — if my college years counted, I’d probably look a lot worse than I do now.

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5 Responses to “Time Off for Good Behavior”

  1. winediva said

    Hey girl. I appreciate your efforts in the “aging gracefully” catagory. I, myself – perhaps prompted by my Mother’s genes – plan to age kicking and screaming the whole way. Yes, twould be swell if only nasty broads got crows feet, but alas, I haven’t seen that take hold just yet. In the meantime, I highly recommend microderm abrasion facials. I had one at a fancy pants salon last weekend and it TOTALLY works! Also, stay away from holiday themed sweaters. One of those dowdy things adds ten years instantly.

  2. Janis said

    OK, everybody – click on over to the Diva’s blog and see why she can’t complain. You look MMMAHVELOUS! (And it’s not fair – the genes you got from your mom – sheesh!) I will look into microderm abrasion. Maybe I can just fall on my face while rollerblading for a cheap version.

  3. *sigh* if it only were that way. As it stands, I’m going to try to be a good person, but I’m not throwing away my moisturizer. Yet.

  4. Janis said

    Yeah, I keep the moisturizer handy, but I’m thinking of upgrading to grout.

  5. winediva said

    I’m convinced that skin care and anti aging treatments were created by a bunch of frustrated handymen. “Wrinkles? No problem, just get yourself a belt sander and some spackle. That’ll fix ya up in a jiffy!” Hence, microderm abrasion and collagen were born.

    I”ve heard more horror stories about botox lately! Mostly stuff from women who tried it once and wont do it again. it worked well on their forhead lines – all smooth and pretty. But if you are at all animated in your coversations, as WE certainly are, I guess you can expect wrinkles in NEW places, compensating for your frozen forehead. And eventually your forehead droops back into its normal state and you look even more wrinkley than you did before you shot $400 worth of poison in your head.

    Cripes!

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